On October 16, 2006, Tina and Ronald Meier experienced every parent’s worst nightmare when they discovered that their 14-year-old daughter, Megan, had committed suicide in her bedroom. For some time before her death, Megan thought she had been regularly communicating online with a young man named Josh. However, Josh was not real, and the account owner was Lori Drew, the mother of Sarah Drew, one of Megan’s friends. Lori created the account to hurt Megan for spreading lies about her daughter. When the messages from Josh turned from friendly and flirtatious to hateful, Megan, having long been the victim of bullying at school, took her own life.
As the story unfolded, it captured America’s attention and drew the website MySpace and social media in general into the spotlight. How could something like this happen, and who was to blame? What role did parental negligence play? Should children and teenagers be allowed to use social media? And if so, at what age? What controls should be implemented to help avoid stories like Megan Meier’s?
Although the discussion is ongoing nearly two decades later, we do not seem to have made substantial progress, as study after study indicates that Generation Z is not thriving in today’s social isolation and social media climate. For example, a 2023 study of the impact of social media by the McKinsey Health Institute concluded that, although social media and technology have a positive impact on social connection and self-expression across generations, “Negative effects seem to be greatest for younger generations, with particularly pronounced impacts for Gen Zers who spend more than two hours a day on social media and Gen Zers with poor mental health.”1 Also in 2023, the US Office of the Surgeon General released an advisory in which it compiled the results of multiple studies and concluded: “greater social media use predicted poor sleep, online harassment, poor body image, low self-esteem, and higher depressive symptom scores.”2
The connection between social media use and such negative outcomes is undeniable.
In his book The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt makes the case that the prevalence of anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems is due in part, but not in whole, to extensive use of social media. He states, “My central claim in this book is that these two trends —overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world—are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation.”3 Haidt explains that as children mature, free play is essential to their physical and social development. Starting in the 1980s and 1990s, however, parents, more fearful and mistrusting of the world around them than previous generations, began supervising their children more frequently. They prioritized safety over risk, robbing children of the opportunity to become resilient in the face of conflict and frustration. Haidt uses the term “safetyism” to describe “the worship of ‘safety’ above all else,” and much of his work centers on the idea that parents inadvertently lead their children toward anxiety when they do not let difficult circumstances prepare them for life.4 In the middle of safetyism’s continued spread over the past four decades, smartphones were released to the public. Haidt contends, “Between 2010 and 2015, the social lives of American teens moved largely onto smartphones with continuous access to social media, online video games, and other internet-based activities. This Great Rewiring of Childhood, I argue, is the single largest reason for the tidal wave of adolescent mental illness that began in the early 2000s.”5 Haidt goes on to explain four fundamental harms caused by the overuse of smartphones (sleep deprivation, social deprivation, cognitive fragmentation, and addiction) as well as four recommended reforms to reverse the trend (no smartphones before high school; no social media before 16; phone-free schools; and far more unsupervised play and childhood independence).
The Bible’s Counsel for Parents of the Anxious Generation
Considering Haidt’s conclusions and all the other evidence, the situation facing Generation Z and future generations seems bleak. As parents of those generations, the responsibility to guide our children through anxiety can feel overwhelming. We are not alone, however, and the Bible offers us helpful reminders and counsel that we should not forget.
God Purposefully Created Every Child
David’s words in Psalm 139:13–14 remind us of God’s intentional care for every child: “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” God’s message to the prophet in Jeremiah 1:5 offers a similar explanation of God’s plan for the birth of an individual child: “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” Clearly, God cares about the children he creates, and the fact that he has a plan for each of them should give us comfort as parents.
Although we may have organized, budgeted, purchased baby supplies, and read countless books about pregnancy and parenting while preparing to have a child, God knew our babies intimately before their conception and knows them completely today.
His care for them should give us comfort as parents. We can rest assured knowing that, ultimately, God loves our children (John 3:16), is with them (Matthew 1:23), for them (Romans 8:31), and cares for them (1 Peter 5:7).
God’s Sovereignty Ensures that Even Our Children’s Difficulties Will Result in Good
As parents, we sometimes wrestle with implementing the right safeguards for our children. How far from home can they go on their own? When, if ever, can they participate in a sleepover? How much time can they spend playing video games? When is the right time to introduce cell phones and social media? As the parents of prior generations did, we want to ensure that our children remain safe and can grow up in a healthy manner, protected from undue harm. However, we cannot shelter them from everything and should trust that God sees them when we do not.
Paul gives us some comfort here. He covered many themes in his letter to the Romans, but overall, he encouraged them with the hope that God had made salvation available to any who would receive it. That salvation has a tremendous impact on both the present life and the life to come. When discussing present suffering and hardship, Paul notes in Romans 8:28, “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” That means that even when we are not there to keep our children from difficulty, we can trust that God will use that difficulty for their good. At their lowest point, God promises to be at work.
How the Gospel Offers Freedom from Anxiety and Hope for the Future
God is intimately concerned with our children, but his greatest promises, like those in Romans, are reserved for his children. We must make every effort to ensure that our children hear and receive the gospel so they can know its freedom and hope.
The Gospel Frees Us from the Pursuit of Independence
We live in a society that promotes self-reliance, condemns weakness, and looks down on those who need help. It should come as no surprise that much anxiety stems from the failure to meet unrealistic expectations of strength or to keep up pretenses of autonomy. We are flawed and imperfect people who were created with a deep need for community and a longing to experience the fullness of life in God. However, we cannot achieve that on our own. The gospel demands that we rely on God to reconcile us to him, to fix a problem we cannot. As Ephesians 2:8 reminds us, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.”
In short, we were not meant to be alone, and we are happiest when we freely acknowledge our dependence on others, especially God.
The Gospel Confirms that Evil Exists but Does Not Have the Final Word
When describing the consequences of evil, Paul noted in Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death . . .” If those six words were the full message, we would have every reason to fear. However, Paul continued, “. . . but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” The second half of the message reminds us that while evil exists, forgiveness overcomes, and we are safe in God’s care. Hard times do not last forever, and all problems have solutions. When your children feel alone, frightened, or insecure, you can remind them that the gospel assures us that we are eternally protected if we belong to him. Although circumstances may cause us to be anxious, there is relief in the security of God’s grace.
Dr. Jason Barker (MDiv, DMin) has served as a pastor and educator for twenty years. He is the Dean of Academics at Oak Valley College in Rialto, California, and serves as an adjunct faculty member at four other colleges and seminaries. He, his wife, and their four children live in Southern California.