As I write this article, I’m near the end of a week-long vacation at a family camp with my wife and our children. We’ve heard excellent teaching, participated in fun games and recreation activities, made arts and crafts projects, fellowshipped with people we see just once per year, and eaten lots of ice cream at the snack shop! It’s been an extraordinary week because of what we got to experience, but the critical difference-maker has been what we could leave behind.
In an environment like a Christian camp facility, you notice the stark differences between the Christian and secular cultures in which we live. When you don’t have access to a television and leave your phone in your cabin, it is easy to forget that the world outside is opposed to your way of life. In these moments of isolation and spiritual safety, all seems right in the world.
How do we help our children develop a biblical view of sexuality and resist the temptation toward sexual sin while living in a culture that glorifies it?
Sadly, it is not. Consider the topic of sexual purity. Today’s children and teenagers are coming of age in a culture that is hypersexualized and encourages sexual sin. For example, a study commissioned by Common Sense Media in 2023 revealed that 73% of respondents under the age of 17 had viewed pornography online, with 44% of those having done so intentionally.1 For context, in 2020, there were a reported 42 million pornographic websites accounting for 370 million pages of porn.2
The statistics go on and on, and the question before us is evident: how do we help our children develop a biblical view of sexuality and resist the temptation toward sexual sin while living in a culture that glorifies it? Before we attempt an answer, let’s consider how the prevalent worldview developed and what the Bible has to tell us about sexual sin.
How Did We Get Here?
Tracing back the origins of the current degraded sexual ethic is challenging. The fact that the Old Testament contains prohibitions against homosexuality and sexual sin indicates the age of the problem. However, a few critical points in recent history come to mind.
- The Sexual Revolution of the 1960s and 1970s: When we think of sexual promiscuity, we think immediately of the Sexual Revolution as the point when things changed. That is an oversimplification, however. As Professor Carl R. Trueman notes, “One of the mistakes Christians tend to make is assuming that the sexual revolution was something that happened in the 1960s as part of the general loosening of conventional morality which that decade witnessed. In fact, it is of much deeper and longstanding origins.”3 Trueman continues, “The sexual revolution rests on the idea that fulfillment is a matter of personal, psychological happiness and anything which obstructs that—specifically traditional sexual codes—is by definition oppressive and preventing us from flourishing.”4 Accordingly, it is more accurate to say the Sexual Revolution was the point where the change in the broader set of values, which included human sexuality, was clearly revealed and became publicly embraced.
- The portrayal of sex across media: Perhaps nowhere has the acceptance of this new sexual ethic been revealed more in recent years than in television and music. Secular music lyrics range from glorifying illicit sexual activity to promoting sexual violence. Television shows deal flippantly with the topic, and even those that deal with the subject matter more sensitively still expose children to portrayals of sexual activity that can be harmful to them. The authors of a 2008 study on the topic concluded, “Exposure to sexual content on television predicted teen pregnancy . . . . Teens who were exposed to high levels of television sexual content . . . were twice as likely to experience a pregnancy in the subsequent 3 years, compared with those with lower levels of exposure.”5
- Commercialization of sex as a marketing tool: The old saying “Sex sells” remains true today as advertisement campaigns for countless companies and products rely on sexualized portrayals of both men and women. Calvin Klein, Victoria’s Secret, and Benneton have all relied on images that bordered on pornographic to drive sales of their clothing lines. Furthermore, many dating apps and sites, including Tinder and the aptly named One Night Stand, encourage a casual attitude toward sex and the objectification of men and women as business models.
The Biblical Perspective on Sexual Sin
We have essentially become desensitized to the prevalence of sex through overexposure to it. As Christians, we must be mindful of how to resist the current trends of culture. Such a battle begins with knowing what the Bible teaches about human sexuality.
- Sexual sins are uniquely destructive. Paul states in 1 Corinthians 6:15–20:
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? . . . But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
In other words, because we are one with Christ and indwelled by the Holy Spirit, the sins of sexual immorality are especially devastating, defaming God’s dwelling place and mocking the Lord who has purchased us.
- Sexual Immorality includes not just sinful actions but also sinful thoughts. In Matthew 5:28, Jesus states, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Although many today believe that viewing pornography is not a grave sin, Jesus disagreed, and we must take his charge seriously.
- God’s grace and our self-control overcome sexual sin. Paul reminds his readers in 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you knows how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.” As such, we remember that God helps us to avoid sin (1 Corinthians 10:13), but we must apply ourselves to the task by resisting the temptations of lust that our flesh is prone to.
Tips for Parents
As Christian adults, we understand the dangerous and pervasive temptation of sexual sin, and we can read and apply the instructions of the Bible to our lives. However, our children are not as capable of either task, so we must help them make wise, God-honoring choices. Here are a few practical ways we can do so.
- Monitor your children’s use of devices, the internet, and social media. As our children age, we want them to have a growing level of freedom and privacy. Still, given the ubiquity of pornography and sexual predators online, we should never allow them unrestricted access to the internet through any of the family’s electronic devices. Let your children know they should not expect privacy in this area, set healthy parameters for their usage of phones, tablets, and computers, and regularly check their browser history and social media accounts and messages.
- Have intentional conversations about sexual sin. Every parent knows what is meant by the phrase “the talk,” and we all likely have the same panicked reaction to the idea of discussing sex with our children. We must remember, however, that children are exposed to a worldly sexual ethic at an age far younger than we were, be it at school, through friends, or online. We should desire to control the narrative in this instance and begin having intentional conversations about human sexuality and sexual sin as soon as we feel it is appropriate. We simply cannot afford to allow the world the first opportunity to teach them a perspective on the topic.
- Deal redemptively when sexual sin is present. If we find evidence of pornography on our children’s devices, we should exemplify the gospel in our response. The gospel acknowledges the seriousness of sin and asserts that sin can be forgiven through Jesus Christ. When we discover sexual sin, we should address it quickly and calmly, walking the child through repentance and agreeing on a process for helping them resist and flee that temptation in
the future. - Explain God’s beautiful design for human sexuality within the context of marriage. Helping children remain sexually pure requires more than telling them what they must say “No” to, however. We should also make sure they know what they will get to say “Yes” to in the future. Song of Solomon, Psalm 45, and Ephesians 5 each speak to the beautiful physical and spiritual union of a marriage between a man and a woman. Teenagers and young adults, in particular, need to know what God’s good design sexuality looks like.
Final Thoughts
There’s no denying that sexual sin is more widely accepted than ever before, and there are countless ways to engage in it, mainly due to pornography’s presence online. The consequences of sexual sin continue to be devastating to both current and future relationships, especially now that children have such quick access to its various temptations. What remains the same, however, is that God charges Christians to live pure lives, and Christian parents have the critical responsibility of helping their children do the same. Although coming alongside them to help may be awkward and uncomfortable, we have no choice. As Russell More notes, “our children need us closer in the fight against [sexual sin], not farther away.”6
Dr. Jason Barker (MDiv, DMin) has served as a pastor and educator for twenty years. He is the Dean of Academics at Oak Valley College in Rialto, California, and serves as an adjunct faculty member at four other colleges and seminaries. He, his wife, and their four children live in Southern California.